Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
3 2 1 whiskey
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize