Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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