cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
