The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
