if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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