Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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