And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
