i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize