he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
