non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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