I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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