What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
