Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
