Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
