Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
