he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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