Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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