I am puke
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
