dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
