high people should be assigned attendants
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
