Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
