I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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