I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
