You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
