Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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