Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
