I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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