True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
