I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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