erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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