Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
