He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's never too late to be topless.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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