I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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