remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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