Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
