In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
