Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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