it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
