Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
