Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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