Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
