You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
