no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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