I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
