i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
