I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
