My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
