I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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