she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
