maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize