and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
