Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
