So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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