Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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