I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
