dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
