Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
