Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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