Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
