i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
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