He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
BRING THE BAGELS
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
