i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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