so that wasnt chicken after all
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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