At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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