Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
