and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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