i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
