the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
