They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
