Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
